I'm just saying. ..

So here it is...
I'm laying in bed at 12:13 am, glued to Instagram- specifically Alisa Burke's.
I look at the pictures she has posted.  The sweet videos of her toddler Lucy.
(Whose b-day is the same as my twins btw..) Isn't it funny how we can look at things like that and imagine how perfect someone's life must be.
However,  in real-time they have struggles just like we do.
They have trials,  problems, bills to pay etc etc etc.
We as human beings tend to compare our worst self to their best. I do it ALL the time.
Well you know what? My life can be "perfect" too!
I think it's all in a state of mind.
I feel like I'm due for an attitude change. One-day I hope to look back at my life and think : "wow... what a lovely life I've lived!"
I feel blessed that I know that it is in a state of mind. Someone close to me doesn't.  I feel very sorry for him.
Yes siree... I am a lucky girl! :)

P.S- I so love my phone!  It's a Samsung Galaxy S3... check out this pic... my room is PITCH BLACK... and it got this awesome pic with the flash on!

Me-andering thru my moods...

Yesterday, I went to the state fair.
Oh how I love the fair! The exhibits, the food. The animals, the food. The shopping, the food!
Every year, my dear man takes us and he hates every minute of it.
This year, he finally boycotted it. I went during the day without him.
Yep ~ just me and Sam.
I had entered a painting in it, and was so excited to see if it had placed at all.
O.k.... no lies here. I really wanted "Best Of Show".
I got 3rd place. I was so excited! I was on cloud nine for about an hour.
We were eating lunch, Sam and I. (He had a Panda bowl, and I had a Chili Verde' platter)
I was gushing... about how happy I was and how proud I was of myself, you know... blah, blah, blah.
Then, my sweet (I'm truly not being sarchastic, really..) 18 yr old son extinguished it all by
 informing me that all the entries in the creative arts building had placed. They all had ribbons.
It shouldn't have mattered at all. With Sam being autistic, he just calls it as he see's it.
It is black or white with him. (Gee... wonder where he gets it, LOL!!)
I was crushed. If everyone placed, then maybe me getting 3rd really didn't mean anything.
It was hard anyway, as when I filled out the entry form there really wasn't
a catagory for my form of art.
The mixed media art they had was all jewelry.
So, last night I lay in bed having a pity party for myself. I realize that I entered it for validation that
my art was good enough to proceed with selling it.
People who see it seem to like it, but are they just saying it because they like ME?
Anyway, I am still feeling in a blue funk today. Demons of self doubt are swirling around me.
Here's the sad truth in it all: Sam didn't do this to me. Sam didn't take away my joy.
I did it to me.  I create/control my moods.  Nobody else does.
Today, I am still blue. Bummed out. Discouraged.
We all have times like that. It's normal, and it's ok.
Tom's working on my bike even as I write this.
It's what I need the most right now. Right this second. Quality time with Miss Priscilla.
Here's the canvas I did. It's a copy of one I made in july for my family's cabin.
My sister-in-law asked for one just like it. It does have its differences though.
Can you see them?

 

They both started out the same way... Looking like this!

 

Epilogue: 9/18/2013

I went to pick it up from the fair. 

The lady there said that no..

 Not everyone placed and got a ribbon. 

It doesnt matter. I'm proud of myself anyway.

Creating with integrity

I made this canvas for a friend of mine who is someone special to me. She has wisdom, always gives me great advice about the boys. I love the colors
I tend to be drawn to bright things.
What bothers me is that it kind of resembles (ok totally looks like) the art of Christy Tomlinson. Her work is so fab!
But- it's hers. I am going to work on finding my own personal style. If it ends up too similar, then I'll need to tweak it.
I want to be an artist with integrity.
If my art looks like hers? Or Donna's (Downey) or Kelly Rae's(Roberts)
Then is it mine?  From my heart i say nope. Not really. I can go Into  store see a painting  and know who's made it because of the style. It all comes down to integrity and honesty. It also includes being able to have pride in my work instead of having a voice whisper that its only good because it resembles someone else's.
Those women are my mentors
I adore their work. When I meet them someday I want to be able to look them in the eye and feel I've had integrity, and that I am an authentic artist.

Whispers of fall...

I went biking today. ..here and there I saw sprinkles of yellow leaves. Just a hint or a whisper or a sprinkling.
Maybe we'll get an early fall?
I love fall so I don't think id mind...

New Beginnings

silent emotion, too tender for words
to express
the enormity
of it all

the blessings, so whole
it mystifies
her heart

she is quiet
with the beauty
too tender for words
    ~ kelly rae roberts~



i love new beginnings. staring fresh with a clean slate.
i always loved the first day of school.
i love new years day. to me, a beginning is a fresh start.
leave the past in the past, learn from the mistakes, and mis-steps.
(boy, have i made A LOT of those! )
today marks the start of a new beginning for me.
i have decided to pursue a career in art.
i am afraid but i made this decision last summer,
but haven't done anything to start moving forward with it. until now.
i've taken classes on creating an art business. i've taken classes in art.
are you familiar with the book "the artist's way" by julia cameron?
i picked it up at the d.i. yes, i was looking for it.. along with a vintage rolodex...(can i just say i love thrift store shopping?)
its basically a 12 week home course to work your way through the
fear or blockage you feel, to start you on a path to what you really want
in an artistic profession.
i'm starting to buckle up. it's going to be a hell of a ride, i can feel it coming.
i can feel deep within my heart . the tide in my soul  is starting to
rise. the waves of past emotions and fears are starting to hit
the barriers of my consciousness.  it's time to shed some of the baggage i have been carrying for 40+ years. and you know what?  i'm ready. i'm ready to make changes. I'm ready to be free. i'm ready to pursue the nameless longing i have had for so many years and become what my Father has in store for me. it is scary.
and in some ways i am very afraid.
but in most ways, i am starting to become giddy with anticipation.
i feel like i do when i haven't been to disneyland in a long time, and i am in line for pirates!
it will most likely be quite painful at times.
it will be worth it. so i have decided to re-do my blog, (y'all didn't know i even had one, did you?) and post my journey here. maybe it will help someone, someday.
                      come join me.

my dear friend cricket did a list of 13 things about herself on her blog, so i will
share 13 things about me that you may or may not know. half good,
and well, half not so good!
                                                 
 **THIRTEEN THINGS ABOUT ME**

1- i was named athena (was supposed to be heather) because i was so homely when i was born, my mom said i needed all the help i could get.

2- i have serious abandonment issues and it makes me want to rescue all the homeless animals.

3- i love scooby - doo cartoons also sponge bob..

4- i love my family. they are everything to me but i tend to beat myself up over mistakes i make in parenting them. then i will agonize over what a rotten mother i am.

5- sometimes my emotions get the best of me, and i speak without using my brain, lol!

6- my favorite drink is a shirley temple. with lots of cherries in it please...

7- i have the MOST awesome hair! it's naturally curly. i can do it straight,
or curly. i get a ton of comments on it when i'm doing it at the gym.

8- i grew up playing musical instruments. i play (or used to) the flute, the piccolo, the bagpipes, and the tenor drum. loved it all! i intend to pick up my flute again, when i am done de-cluttering my bedroom.

9-i'm such a light sleeper that i need to use ear plugs, and a sleeping mask to sleep at night.
last year at bear lake i forgot my mask, and had to buy a bandanna to put on my eyes so i could sleep!

10 - i love, love, looovveee disneyland. i can't get there often enough, and i have a sweatshirt collection from there, and i get a new one every time we go.

11- i love the smell of mentholatum. i always have a jar near me. it makes me happy.

12- i have a compulsive need to smell everything.

13- after i graduated from cosmetology school, i got a job with sam brocato's salon / school in baton rouge la. but i didn't go, because i was really scared i wasn't good enough.

There you have it. my thirteen.
have a great weekend!