I'm just saying. ..

So here it is...
I'm laying in bed at 12:13 am, glued to Instagram- specifically Alisa Burke's.
I look at the pictures she has posted.  The sweet videos of her toddler Lucy.
(Whose b-day is the same as my twins btw..) Isn't it funny how we can look at things like that and imagine how perfect someone's life must be.
However,  in real-time they have struggles just like we do.
They have trials,  problems, bills to pay etc etc etc.
We as human beings tend to compare our worst self to their best. I do it ALL the time.
Well you know what? My life can be "perfect" too!
I think it's all in a state of mind.
I feel like I'm due for an attitude change. One-day I hope to look back at my life and think : "wow... what a lovely life I've lived!"
I feel blessed that I know that it is in a state of mind. Someone close to me doesn't.  I feel very sorry for him.
Yes siree... I am a lucky girl! :)

P.S- I so love my phone!  It's a Samsung Galaxy S3... check out this pic... my room is PITCH BLACK... and it got this awesome pic with the flash on!

Me-andering thru my moods...

Yesterday, I went to the state fair.
Oh how I love the fair! The exhibits, the food. The animals, the food. The shopping, the food!
Every year, my dear man takes us and he hates every minute of it.
This year, he finally boycotted it. I went during the day without him.
Yep ~ just me and Sam.
I had entered a painting in it, and was so excited to see if it had placed at all.
O.k.... no lies here. I really wanted "Best Of Show".
I got 3rd place. I was so excited! I was on cloud nine for about an hour.
We were eating lunch, Sam and I. (He had a Panda bowl, and I had a Chili Verde' platter)
I was gushing... about how happy I was and how proud I was of myself, you know... blah, blah, blah.
Then, my sweet (I'm truly not being sarchastic, really..) 18 yr old son extinguished it all by
 informing me that all the entries in the creative arts building had placed. They all had ribbons.
It shouldn't have mattered at all. With Sam being autistic, he just calls it as he see's it.
It is black or white with him. (Gee... wonder where he gets it, LOL!!)
I was crushed. If everyone placed, then maybe me getting 3rd really didn't mean anything.
It was hard anyway, as when I filled out the entry form there really wasn't
a catagory for my form of art.
The mixed media art they had was all jewelry.
So, last night I lay in bed having a pity party for myself. I realize that I entered it for validation that
my art was good enough to proceed with selling it.
People who see it seem to like it, but are they just saying it because they like ME?
Anyway, I am still feeling in a blue funk today. Demons of self doubt are swirling around me.
Here's the sad truth in it all: Sam didn't do this to me. Sam didn't take away my joy.
I did it to me.  I create/control my moods.  Nobody else does.
Today, I am still blue. Bummed out. Discouraged.
We all have times like that. It's normal, and it's ok.
Tom's working on my bike even as I write this.
It's what I need the most right now. Right this second. Quality time with Miss Priscilla.
Here's the canvas I did. It's a copy of one I made in july for my family's cabin.
My sister-in-law asked for one just like it. It does have its differences though.
Can you see them?

 

They both started out the same way... Looking like this!

 

Epilogue: 9/18/2013

I went to pick it up from the fair. 

The lady there said that no..

 Not everyone placed and got a ribbon. 

It doesnt matter. I'm proud of myself anyway.

Creating with integrity

I made this canvas for a friend of mine who is someone special to me. She has wisdom, always gives me great advice about the boys. I love the colors
I tend to be drawn to bright things.
What bothers me is that it kind of resembles (ok totally looks like) the art of Christy Tomlinson. Her work is so fab!
But- it's hers. I am going to work on finding my own personal style. If it ends up too similar, then I'll need to tweak it.
I want to be an artist with integrity.
If my art looks like hers? Or Donna's (Downey) or Kelly Rae's(Roberts)
Then is it mine?  From my heart i say nope. Not really. I can go Into  store see a painting  and know who's made it because of the style. It all comes down to integrity and honesty. It also includes being able to have pride in my work instead of having a voice whisper that its only good because it resembles someone else's.
Those women are my mentors
I adore their work. When I meet them someday I want to be able to look them in the eye and feel I've had integrity, and that I am an authentic artist.

Whispers of fall...

I went biking today. ..here and there I saw sprinkles of yellow leaves. Just a hint or a whisper or a sprinkling.
Maybe we'll get an early fall?
I love fall so I don't think id mind...